Drive
by pearls1990
Summary: Phoenix and Miles have been driving away from their problems. Now it's time to face them head-on.


**A/N: _This is a one-shot that came to me as I was listening to 'Drive' by the artist Halsey. The line 'California never felt like home to me, till I had you on the open road' really spoke to me and I thought it fit Miles well._**  
 _ **Also, this is partly AU; in my headcanon, Miles left Phoenix because of his hatred for Kristoph and other reasons stated in the fic.**_  
 _ **I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! Comments are love!**_

 _ ******Edit: Oh my gosh! I am a blooming idiot! I forgot to acknowledge my beta-reader! Many thanks to TarmaHartley for her amazing beta-skillz, and who is probably steaming in her boots right now wondering why she didn't get acknowledged. I have no good excuses, just that I am an idiot.**_

* * *

 **Drive**

Phoenix sighed as he got into Miles' car, plastic soda cup in hand and a bag of cinnamon bears in the other. Oranges and reds and pinks from the sunset filled the sky, reflecting off the window of Miles' flashy red Corvette.

This was the sixth road trip they had taken since Miles' return from Germany, and as much as Phoenix enjoyed a good road trip with a good friend, he had the feeling that Miles was holding back something.

"You can't have that in here," Miles said as he gestured to the drink in the others hand. "You know the rules."

"Miles, I'm thirsty and I am not five," Phoenix threw him an indignant look, his voice brittle. "I _can_ control my drinking skills. Have I spilled anything yet?"

"That's because everything I've let you have has been in a bottle, not some cheap plastic cup."

"Miles, just... drive," Phoenix let out a loud sigh and sat back. Out of the corner of his eye he caught several emotions crossing Miles' face.

Miles blew a loud breath out his nose and stuck the key in the ignition. The car roared to life and Miles put the car in reverse, backing out of the spot. Ten minutes later, they were heading down the highway toward Los Angeles, the last of the sun setting into the ocean on their right.

Phoenix licked his lips and turned to Miles, the words he was going to say evaporating when he saw the fading light on his soft pink lips.

Their relationship had never been stable since one or the other always ran away. Usually Miles ran first, but Phoenix had also drown himself in Vodka, Poker and learning the Russian language, a life that consumed him for seven years.

Until Miles returned, again, seeing those gray eyes broke every seam and scar that Phoenix had made over his wounds. His heart had been broken so many times, he wasn't sure it would beat again, but when Miles stepped into the office, it skipped a beat, reminding him he _did_ in fact have a heart.

"Why are you staring at me?" Miles asked as he glanced at Phoenix.

"I...I was wondering why all the road trips?" Phoenix's face colored.

"Do you not enjoy road trips?" Miles shifted in his seat, glancing at Phoenix with his steely-grey eyes. Eyes that could be the undoing of Phoenix, if he let them.

"I do... immensely. But I feel like we are..." Phoenix paused to collect his thoughts. "I feel like we are hiding from each other. We haven't really talked since you came back; you just walked into my office like you hadn't been gone at all..."

Miles didn't answer right away. He listened to the road and the car purring, trying to think of the right thing to say.

Miles took a deep breath. "The first time I ran, I was afraid of what I was feeling, for you, for my occupation, for life in general. I ran to Germany and drown myself in my work there but your face kept haunting me like a vision that was always there; in my dreams, when I walked to work, when I ate, you were always there, talking about how I helped you and finding the truth.

When I returned, you were in the thick of a case and I _had_ to help, I _had_ to return and let you know how much you meant to me, how much you turned my life around."

Miles paused to maneuver the curvy highway as Phoenix watched the moonlit trees rush by.

"If you cared so much, why did you leave when I needed you the most?"

Phoenix knew the words would sting; in fact he hope they _did_. He knew Miles still had his walls up and he hoped his words got through.

"Because..." Miles paused again, sighing. "Because I loved you too much and I couldn't bear to see you down so low -"

"Always selfish. Always thinking about yourself." Phoenix turned his head and squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the tears that threatened to choke him.

"Well, you're not wrong ... I _was_ selfish, but I was also mad. Mad that you didn't listen to me about Kri-" Miles bit off the name like it was poison. "… about _that man_. For six years, I was afraid to come back; afraid that I would say I told you so and all our hate would come to a head. I finally made peace when I saw the Jurists trial..."

"You still could have picked up the phone, or written a letter or something to let me know that you were at least thinking of me!" Phoenix's voice cracked. "I was a broken lonely man for six years Miles and you couldn't get over yourself to give a crap about me."

"But I _did_ write. I wrote some nights until my hands cramped. But they always ended angry and selfish." He stopped, taking a deep breath to control his emotions. "Why are we even talking about this? We've already discussed it."

Phoenix closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.

"I guess our demons haunt us."

"What?"

"I- these road trips are wonderful, Miles, I've never felt more -" Phoenix gestured wildly, trying to grasp the right words. "I've never felt more alive or loved when we do but...that's all we ever do is _drive_. We _never_ talk about the feelings that we hide-"

He broke off his sentence when Miles slowed the car, pulling off the main highway to a wide spot on the right hand shoulder and parking.

"Wright," Miles grabbed the others' chin with cold fingers and Phoenix hissed at the touch, his blue eyes widening at the serious expression on Miles' face. "For the longest time, California _never_ felt like home to me. Even being born here, even after living in Germany with the bastard that raised me, California felt like some weird sanctuary that housed my heart," Miles trailed his hand down to Phoenix's chest, covering his heart. "Germany housed my mind and kept all my emotions cold."

Phoenix stared at him as he swallowed hard. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Miles brushed his hair off his forehead and let his fingertips trace his brow resting his hand on the side of his face. His breath caught at the others touch as Miles leaned forward, catching Phoenix's soft lips in a chaste kiss.

"Now that we've been on the open road -" Miles tapped Phoenix gently on his chest. "- _this_ is home to me, Phoenix, and I don't ever want to leave again."

Phoenix's breath was shallow as he tried to choke back his tears. So many emotions ran through his mind, they all came crashing down on him, like a tidal wave. Try as he might, in the end it was a losing battle as he felt them falling steadily down his cheeks.

"I love you so much, Miles!" Phoenix sobbed, wrapping his arms around the other the best he could in the tiny space they had, and buried his nose in Miles neck. "I don't ever want to lose you again!"

A small smile played upon Miles' lips as he ran his hands up Phoenix's warm back to his head and neck, stroking them as he spoke.

"I love you, too Phoenix."


End file.
